Those we love the deepest can definitely hurt us the deepest, can’t they? I wish I had some universe-altering advice that would change space, time, and your mother’s heart. But I don’t, and I can’t.
I can tell you, though, that you’re definitely not alone. So many girls have expressed to me the same feelings of disappointment—even abandonment—by their (often over-worked) parents. Honestly, I wish I could talk to your parents! I wish I could tell them how deeply they are hurting their precious daughters. I think if they truly realized it, they would do everything they could to correct the damage done.
So how do we help them realize how much they are hurting us? If you’ve already tried telling your mom in person, you may want to try writing it out in a letter. When we communicate our feelings on paper, we’re able say everything we need to say without interruption, without denial, without emotions getting the better of us. Sometimes that works best with parents. Be as kind and as clear as you can; basically, just tell her what you told me. Tell her you want to spend time with her, that you value her opinion (and praise) so much, and that you are doing the best you can.
None of us likes to hear that we’re not measuring up (as you know) and parents are no different. I think it’s only fair that if you’re going to ask your mom to change, that you also let her know that you’re willing to hear from her any ways that you can be a better daughter. (And then accept her constructive criticism gracefully!) It’s always easier to see others’ faults; we may not even realize the ways we are contributing to a strained relationship.
Here are a couple passages that you may want to spend some time praying through, too.
Proverbs 17:9–10 (New Living Translation) “Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends [and family!]. A single rebuke does more for a person of understanding than a hundred lashes on the back of a fool.”
Colossians 3:12–15 (NLT) “Since God chose you to be the holy people He loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.”
As I wrap this up, sis, I echo Paul’s words,
“Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself and God our Father, who loved us and by His grace gave us eternal comfort and a wonderful hope, comfort you and strengthen you in every good thing you do and say” (2 Thessalonians 2:16–17, NLT).
Love,
I can tell you, though, that you’re definitely not alone. So many girls have expressed to me the same feelings of disappointment—even abandonment—by their (often over-worked) parents. Honestly, I wish I could talk to your parents! I wish I could tell them how deeply they are hurting their precious daughters. I think if they truly realized it, they would do everything they could to correct the damage done.
So how do we help them realize how much they are hurting us? If you’ve already tried telling your mom in person, you may want to try writing it out in a letter. When we communicate our feelings on paper, we’re able say everything we need to say without interruption, without denial, without emotions getting the better of us. Sometimes that works best with parents. Be as kind and as clear as you can; basically, just tell her what you told me. Tell her you want to spend time with her, that you value her opinion (and praise) so much, and that you are doing the best you can.
None of us likes to hear that we’re not measuring up (as you know) and parents are no different. I think it’s only fair that if you’re going to ask your mom to change, that you also let her know that you’re willing to hear from her any ways that you can be a better daughter. (And then accept her constructive criticism gracefully!) It’s always easier to see others’ faults; we may not even realize the ways we are contributing to a strained relationship.
Here are a couple passages that you may want to spend some time praying through, too.
Proverbs 17:9–10 (New Living Translation) “Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends [and family!]. A single rebuke does more for a person of understanding than a hundred lashes on the back of a fool.”
Colossians 3:12–15 (NLT) “Since God chose you to be the holy people He loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.”
As I wrap this up, sis, I echo Paul’s words,
“Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself and God our Father, who loved us and by His grace gave us eternal comfort and a wonderful hope, comfort you and strengthen you in every good thing you do and say” (2 Thessalonians 2:16–17, NLT).
Love,