I think the first thing to do is apologize for the things you said that you know you shouldn’t have, and for getting angry with your friends easily. I think you’re right: If you start out by pointing out the things that your friends are doing wrong, you’re not going to get anywhere! No one likes to be told that they’re not measuring up. Honestly, I wouldn’t even bring up how they hurt you (during this first conversation) unless they ask. Later on, maybe, but for now just focus on how you have not been a good friend, apologize, and try to do better.

I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “You have to be a friend to have friends.” If you focus on being the best friend that you can be, like making both J and R feel like they are equally special to you, I have a feeling they will start being better friends to you too.

Here are a few verses from Proverbs (from the New Living Translation) about friendship to think about and pray through:

Proverbs 17:9—Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends.

Proverbs 17:17—A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.

Proverbs 17:14, 19 —Starting a quarrel is like opening a floodgate, so stop before a dispute breaks out. Anyone who loves to quarrel loves sin; anyone who trusts in high walls invites disaster.

Proverbs 17:27—A truly wise person uses few words; a person with understanding is even-tempered.

Proverbs 18:19—An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with bars.

Proverbs 18:24—There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 26:18–19—Just as damaging as a madman shooting a deadly weapon is someone who lies to a friend and then says, “I was only joking.”

Proverbs 27:6—Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.

Proverbs 27:9—The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.

Proverbs 27:10—Never abandon a friend—either yours or your father’s. When disaster strikes, you won’t have to ask your brother for assistance. It’s better to go to a neighbor than to a brother who lives far away.

Proverbs 27:17—As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.

Friendships in high school tend to ebb and flow like the tide. You may be closest to, say, J right now, but next year you both may be closer to other friends. That’s not a bad thing, nor is it something to completely lose your friendship over. A confident girl is able to accept that friendships are never exclusive; meaning, you will always have other friends that you are also close to, and sometimes even closer to. Sometimes that can be difficult to swallow, but if you can find your worth in God rather than the opinion of friends, you will spare yourself much heartache! And if through it all you focus on becoming a better and better friend, you will never be completely friendless.

Love,