I can totally see how you'd be confused by his two completely opposite statements in such a short amount of time. I'm sure it feels a bit like whiplash, feeling so secure in your relationship one minute and then, a second later, watching the breakup bomb drop from out of no where and smash your world to smithereens. While I don't know your ex-boyfriend, and I don't claim to know what God is doing in his heart, I can share what I've observed both from getting the "B bomb" dropped on me, and from having to do the breaking up.
God seldom reveals two completely different wills to one person in the span of a week. (It does happen, very rarely, like when God told Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, only to reveal a different plan at the very last minute.) For us average Homo sapiens, it's much more likely that we heard God wrong in the first place. Sometimes our ears get clogged by our own desires, our pride, our sin, even our fear of hurting others. I have a feeling that's what happened when your boyfriend told you that God confirmed his relationship with you. But I'd wager that after he made amends with you, there was a nagging hesitation inside his heart; something still didn't feel quite right. Hence, he figured that he must still not be in God's will and decided to get things right with Him by sacrificing his relationship with you.
Like I said, I don't claim to have the inside scoop on your ex's gray matter. But I found myself in a similar situation once. I really didn't feel like I was suppose to continue in a particular relationship, but I kept justifying it with "godly revelations" because (I see now) I didn't want to hurt his feelings and because I really, really cared about him. My procrastination was completely unfair to him (as your boyfriend's was to you). It only made the breakup harder when I was finally obedient, because the poor guy didn't see it coming.
So what do you do with all this hurt? That's not an easy question either, sis. Unfortunately the best medicine is ol' fashioned time. It really does heal hearts more than we think it will. And being away at school is actually a blessing for two reasons: 1) You don't have to see his face all the time, and 2) There are lots of distractions and friends in your new town who have nothing to do with him. No amount of moping will change your boyfriend's mind, so you might as well get out and enjoy this exciting stage of your life! I don't recommend hibernating in your dorm room, pigging out on chocolate, calling or emailing your ex, or coping with the pain in unhealthy ways (like cutting, alcohol or drugs, going after him with a 12-gauge...you get the picture).
Aw, sis. There's just no easy way around the grieving process. Accept that it's just going to hurt for a while, but don't let that hurt go on forever. There will come a point when you'll have to empty your tissue-filled trash can, put on a fresh coat of lip gloss and get back outside to enjoy the sunshine. Let me leave you with a few verses that have helped me through many a break-up.
Mathew 5:3-5 (The Message) "You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule. You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you. You're blessed when you're content with just who you are--no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought. "
Job 36:15 (Contemporary English Version) "Hard times and trouble are God's way of getting our attention!"
Psalm 30:5 (New Living Translation) "...Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning."
Psalm 34:17–22 (NLT) "The LORD hears His people when they call to Him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed. The righteous person faces many troubles, but the LORD comes to the rescue each time. For the LORD protects the bones of the righteous; not one of them is broken! Calamity will surely overtake the wicked, and those who hate the righteous will be punished. But the LORD will redeem those who serve Him. No one who takes refuge in Him will be condemned."
Love you, sis,
