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My best friend is gorgeous and extremely skinny, and I always find myself being jealous of her. Her boyfriend tells her all the time how “hot” she is, and his friends tell him how beautiful they think she is. They are the nicest guys and never say anything bad about me, but I just can’t stop myself from wishing I looked like her or something similar. Before I go to bed at night I read my Bible and ask God to give me comfort and self-assurance, and I feel 100% better...until I see her at school the next day, and then it all comes back again. How do I get over this jealousy?
First of all, thanks for your honesty, sis! You make total sense! And you are far from alone in the feelings you expressed. So many of us girls struggle with the same thoughts and feelings that we just don’t measure up to someone else.

You’re definitely ahead of the game in your strategy to “kick” the jealousy habit. That you would turn to God for your worth, comfort and assurance shows a maturity few girls possess! I wish I had a simple three-step formula to make you feel 100 percent confident in your beauty and to make the feelings of jealousy disappear (then I’d be a millionaire! Ha!), but unfortunately I don’t. I can remind you, though, that feelings come from the thoughts we think, so the solution might be in doing a little house cleaning in your thought life.

Philippians 4:8 (New Living Translation) packs a punch: “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”

The truth is that you are amazingly beautiful, unique and captivating, sis! (Which you know.) So let me ask you this: When you don’t “feel” like you’re beautiful in others’ eyes, what specific thoughts come right before those emotions? (If you’re not sure off-hand, keep a mental record when you go to school tomorrow.) For example, it could be something like, “My best friend’s legs are way skinnier than mine.” You don’t have to share the thoughts with anyone else, but at least write them down somewhere. Then, underneath each thought, write down a better thought to think (or a Bible verse)—a thought that is true, excellent or worthy of praise. Make sense?

Okay, that was the easy part. The hard part is that now when you catch yourself thinking those harmful thoughts (or thoughts like them), make a conscious effort to stop thinking that thought immediately and instead force yourself to think about what is true, honorable, lovely, etc. I wish it was as easy as it sounds! Taming our thought life is tricky business and takes discipline, faith and perseverance. But it’s the only way I know to combat the lies that Satan wants you to believe; the only way to kick that green monster called jealousy out of your heart for good.

I hope that helps a little, sis. I’ll be praying that God gives you the strength and determination to get rid of those thoughts before they ruin a great friendship!

Love,
Jessie


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