Ask Jessie / I don’t know what to do anymore, sis. My family is a mess. It seems like we all hate each other. My parents fight about EVERYTHING, my brother has problems, and my mom puts me down in every way possible. I can’t even say hi to them anymore—it’s that bad. I’m sick of just locking myself in my room and crying, but I feel like that’s all I have to choose from. It doesn’t help that neither of them go to church or anything. Sis, I’m going crazy

I wish I had some three-step solution to make all the hurt, drama and frustration go away. Family life can be downright ugly sometimes, and having parents who don't make Christ the center of the family just makes everything harder. While I don't have a perfect solution, I do have a few things I hope will encourage you to pick up and keep pressing on.

1) God did not put you in the family He did on accident. And while I can't tell you His reasoning (um, because I'm not Him!), I do know from His Word that He has a purpose for everything He does. It's up to you to open your eyes to see that purpose and obey His calling on your life.

2) If we'll let Him, God draws closest to us when we feel like we can't go on; when we're at the end of ourselves; when our hearts feel like they've been shattered into a thousand, tiny pieces. (Read Psalm 34) While your relationship with your family is on the rocks, let your relationship with your God be at its best ever.

3) While you can't change your family's feelings toward you, you can do your best to be lovable and to show them Christ's love. Here's my favorite passage on the subject:

Romans 12:16-21 (New Living Translation)
Live in harmony with each other....Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, "I will take revenge; I will pay them back," says the LORD. Instead, "If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads." Don't let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.

Proverbs 16:7 (NLT)
When people's lives please the LORD, even their enemies are at peace with them.

Hang in there, sis. I honestly don't mean to sound trite, but often family life does get better as you get older. I didn't have a great relationship with some of my family members until I moved out! That's not to say you should give up hope now, either. Just be encouraged that you never know when things will get easier.

Love,

Other questions in this category

	Why do everyone else’s parents seem way cooler than mine? People like my parents better than their own as well. Do all kids feel that way?
	How will my relationship be with my siblings when we get older?
	What did I do wrong to make my dad leave for a new family?
	Why are my parents so against MySpace?
	Why does my mom get drunk and high and then do things to hurt me? Dose she care about me, or am I just another thing she has to deal with?
	I'm 16 and my younger brother is 11 (going on 12). How do I learn to get along with him even though he sometimes clearly tries to annoy me?
	My whole life, my dad has just sort of “been there.” I honestly don’t really want anything to do with him because I’m tired of getting hurt by him, but I know that I can’t just completely ignore him. And when he says “I love you,” I don’t feel like it’s real. I hate having to say it back because I know that deep down inside, I really don’t mean it. What should I do?
	My dad is Jewish and mom is Catholic. None of us go to church (or temple).My dad is against me being a Christian and going to church. I haven’t even told him that my life is dedicated to God. I have to hide my Bible and all my crosses from him. It makes me so angry knowing he won’t accept me for who I am. And on top of that, my few close friends here are not Christian. Mostly atheists. I just feel alone. Like in the book of Daniel—he was so true to God and had so much strength. But it's just so hard when no one around is encouraging or accepting my life for Jesus. Any suggestions to help me deal with this?
	Recently my dad has been punishing me for no good reason. My mom says it’s out of frustration, because he has a lot of pressure on him right now. I’m trying to be Christ-like but I’m just so mad! Advice would be appreciated!
	My mom is always working, so she doesn’t really know me that well. So every time she comments on things like my weight or my grades it really hurts. When I get a B in math, all she says is that I could have done better; she doesn’t notice that all my other grades were As. It really hurts that she never seems to notice anything good I do, because to me her opinion is worth a lot more than any of my friends’ or other family’s. I want to tell her that it hurts when she does that; I’ve tried, but it doesn’t seem to work. And I want to spend as much time with her as I can before I graduate and move away. What should I do?
	My mom is the main reason I started going to church (other than God, of course), and she bought me my first Bible and purity ring. I know she supports my choice to follow the Lord. But the problem is, now she is abandoning her faith and I don’t know what to do. I am praying for her, but do you have any other ideas of what I can do? She told me once that she doesn’t worry too much about the way she lives her life because none of her friends are believers, so she feels she can get away with it. I love my mom and don’t want her choices now to affect the rest of eternity.
	My dad isn’t a Christian, as far as I know. He constantly makes fun of me for it and puts me down for hanging out at church and stuff. He’s told me more than once that he doesn’t care about me, and stuff like that. He’s friends with a few people that are Christians and amazing people, but they all think my dad is a Christian. He fakes it. When I was working at a camp over the summer he got baptized, but he has told me that he doesn’t even believe in God. All my friends tell me to love him anyway, and I just…can’t. I don’t know what to do, really. I don’t know how to feel or what to do when it comes to him.
	There is this guy that likes me, and I kind of like him back, but my mom doesn’t want me to date until I am in high school. My mom already made me tell him that I don’t like him, so he doesn’t go any further. What do I do?
	My mom and dad just split up about a week and a half before their 12th anniversary, and my house is crazy! What should I do? My mom cries a lot now, but I’m young, so I have no experience with what she’s going through. Have any ideas?
	My dad and mum have being arguing a lot, and my dad moved out the house for a while. My mum said she doesn’t want him to move back in because she doesn’t like the way he treated me and my sister. Is it okay to blame my dad? Could they ever get back together? How do I get though this?
	My mum and dad split up 3 days ago and I have cried nonstop ever since. My dad has moved out. I know my mum is having an affair. I confronted her and she’s still denying it. What should I do?
	I have a boyfriend who is two years older than me and a very new Christian. My mom has set strict guidelines for our relationship, but, unfortunately, we've already broken the rules. My boyfriend and I have talked and we are both committed to not having premarital sex, but we've gone as far as making out and I'm afraid this will lead to more, as well as the fact that my mom does't even want us kissing. I want to obey her. How do I tell my boyfriend this, and what if he doesn't get it? And how do I assure we are slowing down?