Unfortunately, I can’t give you advice on how to change your dad. For better or worse, I can only give you my two cents on how you can handle the situation.
I think that’s where your friends’ advice—to “love him anyway”—comes in. There are quite a few places in the Bible where God talks about loving those who are really, really hard to love. Here are just two:
Matthew 5:43–48 (Contemporary English Version)
“You have heard people say, ‘Love your neighbors and hate your enemies.’ But I tell you to love your enemies and pray for anyone who mistreats you. Then you will be acting like your Father in heaven. He makes the sun rise on both good and bad people. And he sends rain for the ones who do right and for the ones who do wrong. If you love only those people who love you, will God reward you for that? Even tax collectors love their friends. If you greet only your friends, what’s so great about that? Don’t even unbelievers do that? But you must always act like your Father in heaven.”
Luke 6:27–35 (CEV)
“This is what I say to all who will listen to me: Love your enemies, and be good to everyone who hates you. Ask God to bless anyone who curses you, and pray for everyone who is cruel to you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, don’t stop that person from slapping you on the other cheek. If someone wants to take your coat, don’t try to keep back your shirt. Give to everyone who asks and don’t ask people to return what they have taken from you. Treat others just as you want to be treated. If you love only someone who loves you, will God praise you for that? Even sinners love people who love them. If you are kind only to someone who is kind to you, will God be pleased with you for that? Even sinners are kind to people who are kind to them.…But love your enemies and be good to them….Then you will get a great reward, and you will be the true children of God in heaven. He is good even to people who are unthankful and cruel.”
Jesus is pretty clear that if we are true children of God, we are called to love even the most unlovable people with whom we come into contact. But here’s where I think you might need clarification. To love your dad right now does not mean that you have to feel very fond of him. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to curl up on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and cry over Flicka together. It doesn’t even mean that you should ignore the hypocrisy you see in his life. Loving your dad in this situation does mean, though, that you see him through Christ’s eyes—as a sinner who has great worth because he is created in God’s image (just like you and me). It does mean that you treat him with respect, and honor him (i.e., obey), as God asks you to do. To love your dad despite his faults is to practice true biblical love, as found in 1 Corinthians 13:4–7 (New Living Translation):
“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”
We often think that passage only relates to romantic love. (With good reason. I think it’s quoted at 99 percent of weddings!) But Paul was actually writing to a church body—a mix of all sorts of people who were having trouble loving each other. My advice is to spend some time with God reading over those verses, asking Him how you can show your dad true love. And, just maybe, you’ll find that in time your feelings toward him begin to change.
Love,
I think that’s where your friends’ advice—to “love him anyway”—comes in. There are quite a few places in the Bible where God talks about loving those who are really, really hard to love. Here are just two:
Matthew 5:43–48 (Contemporary English Version)
“You have heard people say, ‘Love your neighbors and hate your enemies.’ But I tell you to love your enemies and pray for anyone who mistreats you. Then you will be acting like your Father in heaven. He makes the sun rise on both good and bad people. And he sends rain for the ones who do right and for the ones who do wrong. If you love only those people who love you, will God reward you for that? Even tax collectors love their friends. If you greet only your friends, what’s so great about that? Don’t even unbelievers do that? But you must always act like your Father in heaven.”
Luke 6:27–35 (CEV)
“This is what I say to all who will listen to me: Love your enemies, and be good to everyone who hates you. Ask God to bless anyone who curses you, and pray for everyone who is cruel to you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, don’t stop that person from slapping you on the other cheek. If someone wants to take your coat, don’t try to keep back your shirt. Give to everyone who asks and don’t ask people to return what they have taken from you. Treat others just as you want to be treated. If you love only someone who loves you, will God praise you for that? Even sinners love people who love them. If you are kind only to someone who is kind to you, will God be pleased with you for that? Even sinners are kind to people who are kind to them.…But love your enemies and be good to them….Then you will get a great reward, and you will be the true children of God in heaven. He is good even to people who are unthankful and cruel.”
Jesus is pretty clear that if we are true children of God, we are called to love even the most unlovable people with whom we come into contact. But here’s where I think you might need clarification. To love your dad right now does not mean that you have to feel very fond of him. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to curl up on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and cry over Flicka together. It doesn’t even mean that you should ignore the hypocrisy you see in his life. Loving your dad in this situation does mean, though, that you see him through Christ’s eyes—as a sinner who has great worth because he is created in God’s image (just like you and me). It does mean that you treat him with respect, and honor him (i.e., obey), as God asks you to do. To love your dad despite his faults is to practice true biblical love, as found in 1 Corinthians 13:4–7 (New Living Translation):
“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”
We often think that passage only relates to romantic love. (With good reason. I think it’s quoted at 99 percent of weddings!) But Paul was actually writing to a church body—a mix of all sorts of people who were having trouble loving each other. My advice is to spend some time with God reading over those verses, asking Him how you can show your dad true love. And, just maybe, you’ll find that in time your feelings toward him begin to change.
Love,