Ask Jessie / I have a friend who is very openly bisexual. I've always hated when people like her get "shunned" for such beliefs; she's a great person and fun to hang out with. I love her, but not what she does. I want to be an example, but not push her away. How should I respond when she flaunts her orientation so loudly?

I admire the love that you have for your friend, that you would want to help her without judging her. The truth is, she's lost without Christ in her life—her bisexuality is just a symptom of that. The most important thing you can do is point her to God. He's the only one who can help her get past her confusion and get rid of the sin in her life.

Usually homosexual and bisexual people have experienced a lot of hurt in their lives at the hands of others. The pain that your friend has gone through might make her hesitant to believe that God wants to have an intimate relationship with her. Or she may say that she doesn't want anything to do with a God who says homosexuality is wrong. But if she claims to believe that God exists, you're off to a good start. Work from that common starting point and gently (but assertively—this is no time to be timid!) explain the gospel to her. She's no different than anyone else who needs Jesus!

It's also important that your friend knows you don't support her lifestyle, even though you love her in spite of it. When she flaunts her bisexuality, let her know privately (no need to embarrass her in front of others) that you disagree with her and why. If you sense that her attitude made others uncomfortable, let her know that she's not helping her "cause" by being so vocal about it. She may not have thought about the fact that others might be really turned off by her words.

So keep on loving her, but don't condone her actions by keeping silent when she goes on and on about it. Sometimes "tough love" is in order. The cool thing is that she won't be able to miss your genuine care, especially if she knows you don't agree with her choices. She'll want to know why you care. What an amazing opportunity to point her to God.

Love,
Jessie

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