Ask Jessie / I have a friend who has kind of strayed from God. She's going through some tough stuff in her life, but obviously nothing that God can't handle. I try to be kind and loving toward her, but it makes me really sad and sometimes frustrated that she won't just trust God. She only sees the bad stuff in her life; it seems like she doesn't even look for the good stuff anymore. I guess I've never really had a close friend openly admit to not believing in God anymore and I really don't know what to say when I talk to her. Any advice?

I can totally relate to what you're feeling. It can be extremely frustrating to watch a friend we care about so much just not "get it." We both know that no matter how bad life gets, when we cling to God through the hard times, we know that everything will somehow be okay because God never abandons us. Even on the hardest days, we can have a quiet peace that exceeds our understanding (Philippians 4:7). That's part of why Jesus said that His burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30), because when He is at the center of our heart, everything else is just easier to handle. But when a person tries to go through those tough times without God, her mind gets all muddled and (like you're experiencing with your friend) all she can see is how hard life is.

Obviously, since you know that your friend's troubles wouldn't seem half so bad if she would just take them to God, you feel frustrated. The choice seems so simple to those of us who do trust Christ with our lives. It's hard to remember to have compassion for those who are still wandering in the dark, when we know that all they have to do is turn on the light switch! But when you start to feel frustration toward your friend, remember that God is the one that opened your eyes to the truth; it wasn't anything you did on your own. It wasn't because you were extra good or somehow special—it was simply because He loves you and chose to give you wisdom. When we look at it that way, it's a lot easier to have compassion for others (realizing that God is the one who has to open their eyes) and we get a dose of humility and thankfulness in the process, remembering how amazing it is that God has saved you and me, sis. What grace!

So what do you say to your friend when she starts on her negativity tirades? That's a tough question, but I do know that there's no place for timidity. You have to be bold with her, telling her the truth in love. Life is too short to just let her self-destruct. You'll have to find a balance between loving words and straight-up tough truths, but I know that God will give you wisdom to know where to draw that line.

As I was reading your question, this passage came to mind. Maybe this will encourage you as you try to get through to your friend.

James 5:19-20 (The Message version) says, "My dear friends, if you know people who have wandered off from God's truth, don't write them off. Go after them. Get them back and you will have rescued precious lives from destruction and prevented an epidemic of wandering away from God."

Love,
Jessie

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