Ask Jessie / How do you get a guy to notice you? And how can you get him to like you?

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How do you get a guy to notice you? And how can you get him to like you?

The best way to "catch" a godly guy is to be the mirror image of whatever it is that you're looking for. If you want a godly guy, you have to be a godly girl. If you want a guy who tells the truth, you have to be trustworthy yourself. If you want a guy who has integrity, you have to be a girl who keeps her word. You get the idea. Unfortunately, though, this won't guarantee that the guy whom you have your sights set on right now will take notice of you. But as you focus on becoming more like Christ, eventually the right guy will take notice of your beautiful heart and mind, and he'll be willing to do whatever it takes to pursue you.

In the meantime, you have to be willing to wait for God's timing, no matter how dreamy this guy appears now.

Love,
Jessie

Other questions in this category

	I am a virgin and I am going to stay that way until I get married, but lately I have been having a hard time saying no. Theres a lot of pressure, and when I'm with my guy I want to but I know I shouldn't. I guess I just want to know why it has to be so hard. Can you help?
	There's this really great guy that has been showing interest in me. He's a really, really great guy. The only thing is that he isn't a Christian. What should I do?
	I need some advice from a Christian woman's point of view. Do you think it's wrong for me to be sexually physical with a guy that I really and truly think I love? The catch is that I have only been with him for 2 months. What's your opinion?
	I am going to formal with a junior and I am a freshman. I think he is cool, but he told my brother that he wanted to do stuff with me that I don't want to do. I want to kiss him, but I dont want him to take advantage of me anymore than I want. All I want is to make out with him and dance. What do I do? Do I kiss him even though I know he wants so much more than I am willing to give him?
	I've been dating this guy for about three and a half months. I really really like him, but... I've been wondering how this relationship with him could be compromising my future marriage, and also my relationship with Christ. I want to put Him first, but I also want to be able to spend time with my boyfriend. What is your perspective on dating before marriage, and how influential emotionally do you think this man will play in my life?
	I'm like most girls, I guess, but for some reason lately, I have felt really lonely and my desire to have a boyfriend is growing. I pray about it every night, but I just keep feeling that more and more guys are flirting with me, or talking to me about going out on dates. Is this just a phase, or is there something wrong with me? And what can i do to get rid of this feeling? (Not that I wouldn't love to have a guy. I just don't want to obsess over it.)
	I've liked this guy for over a year. I know he doesn't like me, so I don't want to like him either, but it seems my attraction to him just keeps growing and growing. What can I do to stop liking him?
	I have the hardest time with boys. I have always liked them, but never had one like me in return. I am in high school and it seems like everyone has a boyfriend except me. Please give advice on how and why to either catch one or be comfortable with not having one.
	I have a great Christian boyfriend now and things are great. I just don't know if I'm really over my last boyfriend, and I really do want to be over him considering how he broke my heart. I really like my new boyfriend and I don't want to be thinking about an ex when I'm with him. How do I just move on?
	I like this Christian guy who said he likes me back, but lately he doesn't seem to anymore. Something tells me not to give up; I don't want to lose a good thing. But it hurts so bad to keep trying for him, not knowing if he still cares. What should I do?
	I am in love with my best friend. He is a Christian, and he is a great guy, but he is always chooses the wrong girls. He chooses girls who hurt him and then I, the best friend, am stuck there to pick up the pieces and at the same time, nurse my own broken heart. I just don't know what to do. Should I tell him and risk harming our friendship? Or should I keep quiet and hope that one day he will come around on his own? Help!
	My boyfriend of six months broke up with me about two months ago, and I just can't seem to get my life back together! I have to come to school every day and act like everything's fine, when really I just want to give up on life. I've been trying to pray about it and cling to God, but I still feel really empty, worthless, and pretty depressed. And he seems just fine, which hurts worse! What should I do?
	This guy likes me, but I only see him as a friend. How should I tell him in a way he'll understand? The thing is I've already been through this with him before, but I guess he forgot. I just don't want him to think that I can't stand him. I want us to stay friends. Any advice?
	At Hume Lake you talked about making a list of the qualities we're looking for in a guy. I did it, and I found this guy who is almost everything that I wrote down. It was pretty amazing—shocking, really! We've been dating for a while, and I feel like there is something missing between us. I'm not sure if it is God, or what. I've talked to him about the Bible and God and my faith and stuff, but he just nods. Maybe you could give me some advice on how to talk to him?
	I've known this guy for about six years. We're the best of friends, but I've developed feelings for him and I'm scared of rejection if he finds out. Part of me wants to tell him how I feel, but I'm afraid that if I tell him, our freindship will be in jeopardy . I don't want to mess up our friendship. What should I do?
	I like this guy at my school. He does go to church, but doesn't show it, which shows me that nothing more could happen between us. But is it wrong for me to be friends with him and be a good influence? I wouldn't do it just so we could date, but for his well-being. Is it wrong to change someone?
	I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. He's a great guy, and a Christian, but the problem is that we have been sexually active for the past couple months. We have both tried to stop, but it's just so hard. What should i do? I really love this guy.
	I'm struggling with the issue of being content outside of a relationship. I'm 17 years old and I've never had a boyfriend, or even had a male show interest in me. It's sometimes discouraging. I have a lot of good guy friends, but I have a natural desire to have more than that. I know God has a plan for me and that it's not time for me to date if He hasn't brought someone along, but it's hard to be patient. Any advice?
	Last weekend at winter camp, God showed my boyfriend and me that we're not supposed to be in a relationship right now. There were things in the relationship that just weren't good. So after three months together we broke things off. I know we did what God wanted us to do, so why does it still hurt so bad?
	My first relationship was really bad; I was cheated on more than once. I keep hearing things like, "98% of male teenagers are cheats and liars," so I want nothing to do with relationships now. I'm fine with it, except I'm really negitive toward relationships and I'm really picky about what I want. I know I should be somewhat picky, but I think it's to the point that I might not even give the person a chance. What do you think?
	I’ve never had a boyfriend. I'm afraid I'll never get married, but my mom says she prays over my future husband whenever she feels led to. Does God have a husband picked out for me?
	Lately I've been getting influenced specifically on pre-marital sex. Nearly every former youth group attendee at my church, and even my best friends who are Christian, are having sex, taking it lightly, and saying it’s no big deal. Is it still even possible to wait? And what do I tell my friends and myself when they say it’s no big deal? I know in my heart that I don’t want to go in the direction where they have all headed, but if I am being honest with myself, if I am influenced now and I am just a high school grad, I don’t know how I will handle myself with more freedom and options in college.
	I really want to live a life of purity and modesty, and I know that God will bring the right guy my way at the right time. In the meantime, I’ve decided not to date, but I’m afraid that my friends will make fun of me for it. I don’t know how to explain it to my friends if they ask. Part of me doesn’t really care about what they have to say, but then I know that it will hurt me when the time comes. Any advice?
	I met a guy this past summer at Hume Lake. I don’t think I have ever met a boy so into his relationship with God, who is on the same level that I am spiritually. We have been getting to know each other, and more and more I feel like this is all a dream. But then again, I’m not sure if God totally had us met on purpose. I have so much faith and I’ve been praying about this everyday. Is it possible that God put this someone—with so much of my and God’s standards—into my life right now on purpose?
	I’m having some confused feelings about one of my best friends, T. I’ve developed a crush on him, and I’ve tried really hard not to like him for fear that it might make our friendship complicated, but I can’t help liking him. Sometimes he sends off signals that say “I like you,” and others that say “You’re my friend.” What should I do? Do I wait for him to tell me that he likes me too? Keep in mind, he’s shy.
	One of my closest friends is struggling with being single (she’s 18). She’s mad that she has been single her whole life. She wants a boyfriend so bad, I’m worried about her! Jessie, I’m single (and 16), and I am GLAD I’m single! I know God made her with this desire to be loved by a guy, and I know there’s a guy out there that God has just for her. But sometimes it get so tiring, hearing her complain about not having a boyfriend. She always dresses to get attention from guys, sometimes even if it means being immodest.
	My boyfriend of eight months just broke up with me. He said that God wants all his focus on Him right now, and wants him to get rid of his hobbies and other distractions. Just last week he told me he was questioning this relationship because I'm away at school, but he prayed and said God asked him, “Who are you to deny the blessings I give you?” If God told him that last week, then why does He want him to leave me all of a sudden? It's not like this happens a lot between us. We have an amazing relationship—we’ve even talked about marriage—but I'm across the country at school. What do I do? I’m so confused and I miss him so much already!
	My boyfriend and I broke up after a little over a year because he was going to college and we didn’t want to have a long distance relationship. Plus, I needed to make sure I was on track with God. The problem is that now he is at college with my old best friend, who liked him while we were dating, and now they are together! I gave it up to God, and I emailed him to get closure, but for some reason it still hurts. It makes me sick to my stomach. I just feel so replaced. What do I do?
	Guys never seem to notice me, and I keep thinking that there is something wrong with me. All my friends keep talking about who likes them and blah-blah-blah. People say that I’m really pretty. Well, I would believe them if guys noticed me! People keep saying, “Your time will come,” or “I don’t know why guys don’t like you.” And they say nothing is wrong with me. Well then why haven’t I ever been asked out in my entire life? I mean, it’s not like I want guys following me around or anything, but I wonder why I always seem to be overlooked. I really want to get over this and enjoy my life, because I become depressed about this. I don’t feel worthy or even pretty anymore.
	I have a best guy friend, and we tell each other everything. But lately he hasn’t called or answered my calls, and I found out that he has a girlfriend. She’s not a Christian, and I’m worried. I want to talk to him, but it doesn’t seem like he wants to talk to me now. I feel sad that he has a girlfriend; does that mean I have feelings for him? There’s also another guy that I did like for a while. He used to text me a lot and doesn’t anymore, and I feel sad that he doesn’t. Does that mean I still have feelings for him? I thought I was over him, but I have this part of me that still wants to like him. AGH!
	I’ve been friends with this guy, T, for a while, but all of a sudden he broke up with his girlfriend and has been texting me like 24/7. My friends say that he likes me, but the problem is that I like someone else. I don’t want to hurt T and ruin our friendship, but I don’t feel like he gives me enough respect compared to the guy I like. The guy I like is really nice and goes to my church. I just feel like we have a connection! I don’t know what to do! Can you help me sis?
	I totally love this boy. My friend says he has a crush on me. He tries to get my attention and stares at me. I wrote him a note, and he showed his whole class. I am girly, though, and all his ex girlfriends are tomboys. Does he like me? He doesn’t talk to me.
	I was in a relationship with a guy for about four months. It was a really good relationship, but recently he broke up with me because he had a lot of things going on in his life that he couldn’t balance. His parents are divorced and he doesn’t have a good relationship with his dad, so that affected him and our relationship. So I gave him space, and then after finals were over I thought he would come and talk to me about where our relationship stands, but he didn’t. I tried contacting him to ask him if we could talk so we could have closure, but he didn’t respond. So I have been moving on little by little, but it hurts. Prom is coming around, and I was thinking that if he asked me I would say yes. But my dad says that I should not go with him because I would end up getting hurt again. So my main problem is what to do for prom. I wanted to go with a group of girlfriends, but my mom says that isn’t “prom,” so I don’t know what I should do. Not go to prom, or go to prom with friends and see my ex with another girl. I don’t know what I should do! I have prayed about it, but I am impatient.
	I feel like I have been playing matchmaker with my friends lately. In three months, I’ve set up three of my close friends with guy friends of mine. Now all three girls are happy in their relationships, and always talk about their guys to me. I mean, it makes me feel great that they trust me and all, but now I feel like I really want a boyfriend. Problem is, I'm not allowed to even group date for another three years, and then I’m not allowed to have a boyfriend until college! I know my mom has the best in mind for me and all, but I can't help feeling jealous and like my mom is being overprotective. I've prayed about it for a long time, but I still feel the same! Can you please shine some light on my situation?
	I recently developed a crush on this guy I've known for 12 years—basically ever since elementary school. We text and talk to each other all the time at school, but he has a girlfriend. And some of my friends have told me that he knows that I like him, and he told them he feels bad because he thinks I'm “nice.” What should I do? High School graduation is coming up, and we're going to different colleges so I may never see him again. Should I tell him my feelings?
	There's this guy at my school that I like and he likes me, but I feel like the only thing he likes me for is my body. Whenever I am around him he is very touchy and it just makes me uncomfortable. The other day he subtly mentioned that he wanted sex from me and I just don't know what to do. I want to pull away from him but I don't know how. It's hard because in some sick way I like the attention, but in my heart I know that it's not genuine affection and I need to walk away from it. Do you have any advice for me?
	There is this guy that likes me, and I kind of like him back, but my mom doesn’t want me to date until I am in high school. My mom already made me tell him that I don’t like him, so he doesn’t go any further. What do I do?
	My friend and I have been close for a long time, but now all she can think about is guys! I feel shut out because I’m not going out with someone. It hurts me to see her so much more concerned about her outside appearance than what’s inside. I want to still be her friend, but part of me isn’t so sure. What do you suggest I do? Do I love her for who she is, or do I leave her in the dust?
	This boy I like knows I like him, and we talk a lot. But I don’t know if he’s a Christian. How do I ask him without ruining what I have with him?
	I like this guy, and I’m pretty sure that he likes me. He’s a year younger than me, and my friends don’t like him because he makes stupid jokes. He’s really fun, but I don’t know if I should like him or not! And if I do, should I make the first move or wait?
	My boyfriend just dumped me. He said he wasn't ready for a relationship yet. What should I say or do?
	I've been talking to a boy for a few months now. I just went out with him, but he hasn't talked to me since then. I always get depressed when he doesn't text me, which makes me feel too clingy and insecure, but my friends say that he likes me and that I don't need to worry. Do you have any advice that will help me from feeling this way?
	I haven't had a boyfriend in awhile, and I'm not sure if it’s me that's stopping me or if God doesn't want me to have one. I guess I just want to feel wanted, but I also want to do what God wants me to do. I guess I'm having a hard time dealing with no boyfriend!
	My boyfriend is a senior and he's not a Christian. I'm a freshman and I am a Christian. I know that sounds like the perfect recipe for disaster, but I know that he respects me and my boundaries and he is completely open to Christianity. My parents like him a lot and trust that he won't do anything to put me in any harm. We take him to church with us on most weekends. My boyfriend, although he is not a Christian, is "spiritual but not religious," meaning he believes in all the principles of being a Christian, but is not necessarily tied to one religion. I consider him more respectful and honest than most of the Christian guys that I grew up with. He doesn't take advantage of me, and if he wants to do something with me that he deems questionable, he always asks me first. Bottom line, if I am in a relationship with a guy who is not a Christian, but he is being drawn closer to God through me, is there anything wrong with that?
	I've been dating this guy for three months. He's not a virgin anymore, but I am, and every time we talk on the phone, he talks about how the next time we see each other he wants to have sex with me. I really like this guy, but I’m feeling pressure to have sex with him when I’m not ready to lose my virginity. I’m afraid that if I say no I will lose him. He wants to have a family with me, but I’m not sure this is the guy I want to be with. I don’t know what to do!
	My boyfriend and I have both just graduated high school, and are going to different colleges this fall. I have no idea how to make a long distance relationship work. We agreed that this is a relationship we really want to work on, but I'm worried that once he gets there, he's going to forget all about me. After all, he'll be surrounded by hot college girls out on the hunt for a college boyfriend, parties, and clubs. I know I sound so insecure and clingy and jealous, but I don't want to be! I'm really trying to surrender my worries to God, and to trust both God and my boyfriend, but it's really hard! What can I do to help my relationship with my boyfriend last through the distance and separation of college?
	Is it wrong to get that fluttery feeling in your stomach whenever there is a guy you like around, or when he hugs you or something? Is that actually liking someone, or is that just being silly?
	I’ve known a boy that a like for about five years. The problem is that he might like friend number one, and friend number one doesn’t like him. Then friend number two likes him, but he doesn’t like her. And I like him, and I think he likes me. He comes over to my house a lot, but I don’t know if he’s just there for friends one and two, or for me. I like him so much. What should I do?
	I know that God is helping me get through the pain of my boyfriend breaking up with me. But it hurts so much—I can’t stop crying. Knowing that he has forgotten about me and moved on makes me so sad and it's making me go crazy. I started to drink, hoping the pain will go away, but my heart feels like it’s ripping apart because of him.
	The guy I like has a girlfriend, but she lives far away and doesn’t even go to our school. I want to ask him out, but I am afraid he will say no. What should I do? Should I ask him out for the dance? Should I tell him how I feel about him? I think he likes me too.
	I recently transferred schools and I’m just starting to really connect with the other kids in the school. It’s great! Well, there's this boy in the school who I really, REALLY like, and he really likes me too, and we both want to go out. Here’s the problem: One of my new friends used to go out with him and still really likes him, and pretty much hates any other girl that likes him. I really want to be friends with her, but this guys means sooooo much to me! Should I save the friendship or go out with this AMAZING guy who I REALLLLY like? HELP!!!
	Being in college, I am really focusing on my walk with the Lord and finding my purpose. My boyfriend of three years supports my faith and has come to church occasionally, but I really feel the need to marry a godly man. With this said, I made a really difficult decision to end things. It was a struggle between having such an easy, loving and comfortable relationship, and wanting to wait for the man God has made for me... Now, though, I'm stuck here thinking no man will ever love me as much as he did! I can't help but think this is going to be a long and lonely period of waiting around, while he moves on thinking I'm crazy and finding another girl! Have you ever experienced a situation like this? Have any encouraging words that I made the right decision?