Ask Jessie / I was in a relationship with a guy for about four months. It was a really good relationship, but recently he broke up with me because he had a lot of things going on in his life that he couldn’t balance. His parents are divorced and he doesn’t have a good relationship with his dad, so that affected him and our relationship. So I gave him space, and then after finals were over I thought he would come and talk to me about where our relationship stands, but he didn’t. I tried contacting him to ask him if we could talk so we could have closure, but he didn’t respond. So I have been moving on little by little, but it hurts. Prom is coming around, and I was thinking that if he asked me I would say yes. But my dad says that I should not go with him because I would end up getting hurt again. So my main problem is what to do for prom. I wanted to go with a group of girlfriends, but my mom says that isn’t “prom,” so I don’t know what I should do. Not go to prom, or go to prom with friends and see my ex with another girl. I don’t know what I should do! I have prayed about it, but I am impatient.

I’m going to be as honest as I can, because you deserve it! I hope I don’t come across as harsh at all, because that’s not my heart. I love you and I want God’s absolute best for you—nothing less. It seems obvious to me that your ex-boyfriend has decided not to pursue you further. It was wise of you to give him space to sort things out, and since he hasn’t come running back, it’s time for you to lift up that beautiful chin of yours and move on.

The best way to get closure in a relationship is space. You need some fresh air to distance yourself from the memories (good and bad) the two of you shared, and to remind you of the excitement of life and the really great things about being single. As a girl, it’s really, really tempting to get clingy and pouty and try every trick in the book to get him to realize what he’s missing and come crawling back. But a girl with dignity and respect knows she should never compromise what she deserves (a guy who is going to move heaven and earth to pursue her heart) for what she wants at the moment (a second-best relationship with the guy who just broke her heart). That’s why I’m going to side with your dad and recommend that you don’t go to prom with him, even if he pulls out all the charm when he asks. It’s not worth the heartache. And, although I’m sure your mom is a very wise woman, I disagree that prom isn’t prom if you don’t go with a guy. In fact, I’m a bit envious that my little sister can still show off the prom pictures she took with her best girlfriend, while my pictures (with my then boyfriend) are collecting dust somewhere in a box. (Who wants to remember an ex when you’re happily married?)

I totally recommend going to prom with a group of girlfriends. Yes, that night you might feel a twinge of pain when you see all the “happy couples” together, and yes, you may feel one big kick in the gut if your ex shows up with another girl. But that doesn’t have to stop you from enjoying the fun of getting all dolled up and dancing the night away! You can still have a great time.

I hope that helps, sis. Spend extra time with God this week and ask Him to continue to heal your heart. He loves to draw close to us when our hearts are breaking, to give us comfort and to remind us that there’s always something to look forward to on the horizon when we choose His roads.

Mat 5:3–5 (The Message) “You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule. You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you. You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are--no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.”

Job 36:15 (Contemporary English Version) “Hard times and trouble are God’s way of getting our attention!”

Psalm 30:5 (New Living Translation) “Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.”

Psalm 34:17–22 (New Living Translation) “The LORD hears His people when they call to Him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed. The righteous person faces many troubles, but the LORD comes to the rescue each time. For the LORD protects the bones of the righteous; not one of them is broken! Calamity will surely overtake the wicked, and those who hate the righteous will be punished. But the LORD will redeem those who serve Him. No one who takes refuge in Him will be condemned.”

Love,

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