Ask Jessie / I have been with this guy for about three months. I have been hurt quite a lot during our relationship, and I’m just not sure if he is with me for the right reasons. When we used to talk, we would laugh and talk seriously, but now it’s all about sex. He tells me he loves me, but maybe he’s lying. He told me I’m too good for him… Is this a sign he wants it to be over?

I'm sorry you're hurting in this relationship. That's no fun! Especially when it started out so fun and enjoyable. You said you've been hurt quite a lot during this relationship, so I'm going to venture to say it's maybe not the best relationship ever? I'm sorry to say, it doesn't sound like it's going the right direction, according to the subject that keeps coming up (sex). It's been three months, which really isn't that long as far as relationships go. To me, that's not a good sign. As my husband would say, it takes time for a guy to show his true colors. If your boyfriend is all about sex after only three months, then chances are he's probably pressuring you, or at least you're probably feeling a lot of pressure in regard to the physical side of your relationship.

Love is an easy word to use, but not an easy thing to understand. He may be saying “love,” but is he treating you the way a godly guy should? Talk is cheap. Maybe he’s not lying to you on purpose, but then he might not truly understand what love is supposed to be. Love is patient, self-sacrificing and trustworthy (see 1 Corinthians 13:4-7). From the information you've shared, it doesn't sound like love to me.

This is a hard email so far, huh? I'm sorry I don't have brighter news when it comes to my advice about your relationship, sis. So here's some encouragement: I am proud of you for taking the time to seek out advice and help in this situation. It shows me that you care about your heart, and the type of relationship you want with a guy. One of the hardest things we girls have to decide is when to say, "You know what? God says I am worthy of respect, God says I am wonderfully made, so I refuse to accept anything less than honorable treatment from any boy." Easy words for me to type, VERY hard words to live out! But I can promise you, sis, that if you stick with Jesus, He will not disappoint you—even if it means suffering a broken heart by ending this relationship.

Only you can decide if this is a relationship you want to be in. I can’t make that choice for you, but I will say that your boyfriend is not honoring or respecting you enough, and you should at least talk to him about that. I’d also suggest taking some time to pray and ask God if this relationship is healthy, and whether He wants you to continue in it. It may be time to make some tough decisions, sis.

I'm sorry this isn't the grandest email you've ever heard, but hang in there, okay? And read Psalm 139:1-18 tonight. Jesus adores you—how amazing is that!

Love,

Other questions in this category

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	I have a best guy friend, and we tell each other everything. But lately he hasn’t called or answered my calls, and I found out that he has a girlfriend. She’s not a Christian, and I’m worried. I want to talk to him, but it doesn’t seem like he wants to talk to me now. I feel sad that he has a girlfriend; does that mean I have feelings for him? There’s also another guy that I did like for a while. He used to text me a lot and doesn’t anymore, and I feel sad that he doesn’t. Does that mean I still have feelings for him? I thought I was over him, but I have this part of me that still wants to like him. AGH!
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	I feel like I have been playing matchmaker with my friends lately. In three months, I’ve set up three of my close friends with guy friends of mine. Now all three girls are happy in their relationships, and always talk about their guys to me. I mean, it makes me feel great that they trust me and all, but now I feel like I really want a boyfriend. Problem is, I'm not allowed to even group date for another three years, and then I’m not allowed to have a boyfriend until college! I know my mom has the best in mind for me and all, but I can't help feeling jealous and like my mom is being overprotective. I've prayed about it for a long time, but I still feel the same! Can you please shine some light on my situation?
	I recently developed a crush on this guy I've known for 12 years—basically ever since elementary school. We text and talk to each other all the time at school, but he has a girlfriend. And some of my friends have told me that he knows that I like him, and he told them he feels bad because he thinks I'm “nice.” What should I do? High School graduation is coming up, and we're going to different colleges so I may never see him again. Should I tell him my feelings?
	There's this guy at my school that I like and he likes me, but I feel like the only thing he likes me for is my body. Whenever I am around him he is very touchy and it just makes me uncomfortable. The other day he subtly mentioned that he wanted sex from me and I just don't know what to do. I want to pull away from him but I don't know how. It's hard because in some sick way I like the attention, but in my heart I know that it's not genuine affection and I need to walk away from it. Do you have any advice for me?
	There is this guy that likes me, and I kind of like him back, but my mom doesn’t want me to date until I am in high school. My mom already made me tell him that I don’t like him, so he doesn’t go any further. What do I do?
	My friend and I have been close for a long time, but now all she can think about is guys! I feel shut out because I’m not going out with someone. It hurts me to see her so much more concerned about her outside appearance than what’s inside. I want to still be her friend, but part of me isn’t so sure. What do you suggest I do? Do I love her for who she is, or do I leave her in the dust?
	This boy I like knows I like him, and we talk a lot. But I don’t know if he’s a Christian. How do I ask him without ruining what I have with him?
	I like this guy, and I’m pretty sure that he likes me. He’s a year younger than me, and my friends don’t like him because he makes stupid jokes. He’s really fun, but I don’t know if I should like him or not! And if I do, should I make the first move or wait?
	My boyfriend just dumped me. He said he wasn't ready for a relationship yet. What should I say or do?
	I've been talking to a boy for a few months now. I just went out with him, but he hasn't talked to me since then. I always get depressed when he doesn't text me, which makes me feel too clingy and insecure, but my friends say that he likes me and that I don't need to worry. Do you have any advice that will help me from feeling this way?
	I haven't had a boyfriend in awhile, and I'm not sure if it’s me that's stopping me or if God doesn't want me to have one. I guess I just want to feel wanted, but I also want to do what God wants me to do. I guess I'm having a hard time dealing with no boyfriend!
	My boyfriend is a senior and he's not a Christian. I'm a freshman and I am a Christian. I know that sounds like the perfect recipe for disaster, but I know that he respects me and my boundaries and he is completely open to Christianity. My parents like him a lot and trust that he won't do anything to put me in any harm. We take him to church with us on most weekends. My boyfriend, although he is not a Christian, is "spiritual but not religious," meaning he believes in all the principles of being a Christian, but is not necessarily tied to one religion. I consider him more respectful and honest than most of the Christian guys that I grew up with. He doesn't take advantage of me, and if he wants to do something with me that he deems questionable, he always asks me first. Bottom line, if I am in a relationship with a guy who is not a Christian, but he is being drawn closer to God through me, is there anything wrong with that?
	I've been dating this guy for three months. He's not a virgin anymore, but I am, and every time we talk on the phone, he talks about how the next time we see each other he wants to have sex with me. I really like this guy, but I’m feeling pressure to have sex with him when I’m not ready to lose my virginity. I’m afraid that if I say no I will lose him. He wants to have a family with me, but I’m not sure this is the guy I want to be with. I don’t know what to do!
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	Is it wrong to get that fluttery feeling in your stomach whenever there is a guy you like around, or when he hugs you or something? Is that actually liking someone, or is that just being silly?
	I’ve known a boy that a like for about five years. The problem is that he might like friend number one, and friend number one doesn’t like him. Then friend number two likes him, but he doesn’t like her. And I like him, and I think he likes me. He comes over to my house a lot, but I don’t know if he’s just there for friends one and two, or for me. I like him so much. What should I do?
	I know that God is helping me get through the pain of my boyfriend breaking up with me. But it hurts so much—I can’t stop crying. Knowing that he has forgotten about me and moved on makes me so sad and it's making me go crazy. I started to drink, hoping the pain will go away, but my heart feels like it’s ripping apart because of him.
	The guy I like has a girlfriend, but she lives far away and doesn’t even go to our school. I want to ask him out, but I am afraid he will say no. What should I do? Should I ask him out for the dance? Should I tell him how I feel about him? I think he likes me too.
	I recently transferred schools and I’m just starting to really connect with the other kids in the school. It’s great! Well, there's this boy in the school who I really, REALLY like, and he really likes me too, and we both want to go out. Here’s the problem: One of my new friends used to go out with him and still really likes him, and pretty much hates any other girl that likes him. I really want to be friends with her, but this guys means sooooo much to me! Should I save the friendship or go out with this AMAZING guy who I REALLLLY like? HELP!!!
	Being in college, I am really focusing on my walk with the Lord and finding my purpose. My boyfriend of three years supports my faith and has come to church occasionally, but I really feel the need to marry a godly man. With this said, I made a really difficult decision to end things. It was a struggle between having such an easy, loving and comfortable relationship, and wanting to wait for the man God has made for me... Now, though, I'm stuck here thinking no man will ever love me as much as he did! I can't help but think this is going to be a long and lonely period of waiting around, while he moves on thinking I'm crazy and finding another girl! Have you ever experienced a situation like this? Have any encouraging words that I made the right decision?
	My boyfriend of three months and I are both Christians and really love God. Even though he isn’t a virgin, he loves me, respects me, and doesn't want to have sex until we're married. But I still feel myself compromising for him, and I don't want to always be the one stopping us from going further. We set clear boundaries, but over the last week we went past those boundaries, so now we've set even stricter ones. I'm scared that we're going to go farther again. We're only 16. I don't think we'd be able to get married for at least two years. If a guy has a problem with lust, is that a reason not to be with him? How can we keep God at the center of our relationship?
	I am (sadly) 19 and have never been in love…or on a date…or anything. I've had tons of guy friends. I'm not interested in girls—I am interested in guys, just not in any guy I know or have met. So a friend is about to confess he likes me and wants to go out. Should I date him and get the experience? I think that would be wrong.... but I don't know. I'm starting to feel like I'll never fall in love and end up alone romantically. What should I do?
	My boyfriend of 8 months broke up with me last week. Lately he's been texting me. It kind of seems like he wants to get back together, but I’m not sure. He texts me about taking the same classes for summer school, and he even made a comment about coming to visit me when I move in the fall. When he broke up with me I just wanted to die, but now I’m not sure whether he wants me back. I’m so confused. Please help!
	I’ve had a crush on one of my guy friends for a while. For a while, I really thought he liked me back. He would always flirt with me and stuff. A friend convinced me to tell him that I like him, which I kind of regret now. He was really nice for a while, but then he started liking one of my best friends, and she liked him back, despite of me and my feelings. (I’m having a really hard time forgiving her for that!) Well, they broke up today. Should I let him know that I still like him? Or should I even like him?
	My boyfriend lives far away. We never see each other, but we video chat a lot. He has been feeling very depressed. He sleeps all day, won’t answer my invites, and is always mad at people. He said he didn’t want to get me in to his problems because he doesn’t want to hurt me. What should I do?
	How do I get a guy back who used to be crazy about me but now has someone else in his life? We used to be best friends, until he told me he liked me and i didn't say anything back. At first I just wanted to be friends, but then I started developing feelings for him and the other day I let him know how I felt. He told me he used to like me a lot, but was hurt because he thought I didn't like him back and made himself kind of stop. Now he spends all of his time with a new girl, and I'm very jealous and just crazy about him. We hardly talk anymore.
	After I broke up with my boyfriend, he said some really awful things to me. It got to the point where I would be scared to pick up the phone, and I couldn't eat or sleep. Eventually I got over it, but he's still crazy about me and now he's really depressed. He is anorexic right now and wears nothing but black and sometimes paints his nails black when he feels super depressed. I know he's hurt because of me (he tells me all the time), and I feel so terrible. I just want to help, but I'm dating someone else now. I've been praying and praying about it, but what can I do?
	I broke up with my boyfriend and now he is dating my friend! Even though he is dating my friend, he still stares at me when I'm doing something (I know this because my friend told me). Does he still like me? If not why does he keep on staring at me?
	So I'm the new girl in school and there's this boy in my class named C. I think he might like me. I've been going to this new school for two days already. Every time he talks to someone in my class he looks at me and smiles. I can't really explain it, but he has been acting really strange every time he's around me. He's always happy and talking as if he's trying to show off something. What should I do?
	My boyfriend is just my type. Plus, my parents really like him and his parents really like me. But I think he wants to have sex. He said that if he ever did anything I didn't like that I have the right to stop him, and he asked me what my limits were. But he sometimes says things that make me feel a little bit uncomfortable. What should I do?
	I have a boyfriend who is two years older than me and a very new Christian. My mom has set strict guidelines for our relationship, but, unfortunately, we've already broken the rules. My boyfriend and I have talked and we are both committed to not having premarital sex, but we've gone as far as making out and I'm afraid this will lead to more, as well as the fact that my mom does't even want us kissing. I want to obey her. How do I tell my boyfriend this, and what if he doesn't get it? And how do I assure we are slowing down?
	I have a great boyfriend who respects me and loves me. I told him I'm not ready for sex because I'd like to stay a virgin until I'm married. He said he is perfectly fine with that. He also said that if he ever does anything that makes me feel uncomfortable, I need to tell him. The thing is, he sometimes says things that I'm unsure about. He makes little comments about my body or about sex that I don't really know what to do with. I'd like to include that he has severe A.D.H.D. and so he speaks what's on his mind and doesn't really have a filter.
	A year ago I met a guy. He's insanely sweet, humble, very caring, and always full of joy. He's the type of guy that people love being around. Later on I found out why: he's a Christian. A true follower. I was never really introduced to God as a child, but because of this guy, I started to become more interested. I read the Bible almost every day for four months and I started to follow Christ on my own. It's been a year now, and I am completely infatuated with this guy, because of who he is and what he's done for me. I really like him, but I don't think he feels the same way about me. I hate that I get jealous when he talks to other girls. Should I just let him go and stop talking to him completely? Because I feel like it's destroying me. I try reading Scripture to help stop these feelings, but when I see him they always come back.
	My boyfriend of 2 ½ years broke up with me last week. He told me that after fasting and praying, he heard the voice of God telling him to dethrone anything that was currently capturing his heart. That thing was me. I understand that this is what we both need to really clear our minds and put God in his rightful place, but my heart is killing me. Any advice?