Ask Jessie / My boyfriend of 8 months broke up with me last week. Lately he's been texting me. It kind of seems like he wants to get back together, but I’m not sure. He texts me about taking the same classes for summer school, and he even made a comment about coming to visit me when I move in the fall. When he broke up with me I just wanted to die, but now I’m not sure whether he wants me back. I’m so confused. Please help!

I can see why you'd feel confused, and I'm sorry you're in this situation! Breakups are hard no matter what, but when there's a lingering connection, it leaves a lot of room for misunderstanding and miscommunication. From where I'm sitting, I have no way to know where his heart is in all of this. It does seem like he misses you, but I don't know if he's missing you and wants you back, or missing your friendship and trying to hang onto that part of your relationship. Since he's not communicating his intentions with you, I think it's time for you to ask him some tough questions, and set up some boundaries to protect your heart.

I've been on the broken-hearted end of a breakup more times than I'd like to remember, and there were definitely a few times when I let that guy "hang around" my life for a while. I'll be honest: I was hoping he still cared about me, so I'd fool myself into thinking that I could be "just friends" because the alternative (not seeing or talking to him anymore) seemed too final, and the rejection hurt. But a smart girl with dignity will hold her head high, muster all her courage, and say something like, "I'm getting mixed signals from you. If you're not interested in a relationship with me, that's okay. It hurts, but I'll survive. Just give me my space so I can heal and move on. It's NOT okay for you to be a part of my life like you were before—texting, calling and hanging out—because that's just going to hurt me more in the long run." I can't say I always had the guts (or the smarts) to approach a breakup that way! ;-) But the times when I did, and the times I have seen other girls stand up for themselves like that, the hurt actually goes away much faster!

I'll be praying for you for the next few days. I hope you'll find the courage to accept whatever comes of the situation, and respect yourself enough to let go of your ex for good, if that's what's necessary to protect your heart. If you have a Bible, I'd encourage you to read it this week. Psalm 34 might be a great place to start. Also check out Proverbs 4:20-27, especially verse 23.

Please email again anytime! I'm here to listen.

Love,

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