Ask Jessie / I have a great Christian boyfriend now and things are great. I just don't know if I'm really over my last boyfriend, and I really do want to be over him considering how he broke my heart. I really like my new boyfriend and I don't want to be thinking about an ex when I'm with him. How do I just move on?

Being over someone is tricky business. It takes time to get past it all, and usually one of the last things that stands in the way is the question, "Why?" But I don't think we ask ourselves "why" for noble reasons. I think we ask ourselves "why" because we think that if we figure out the secret, we could somehow have everything back the way it was, only better. And you know what? I don't think there's a true answer to that question. I think that question is our flesh's way of haunting us.

The flesh loves to live in the past. It loves to reminisce; it loves to bring back memories at the worst possible moments. If you allow feelings to control you at such moments, it will be hard to let go of many things that shouldn't be held onto. My husband Paco wrote a song about it called, "I Just Miss It All." It's about how the flesh takes over sometimes, and plunges us into a tailspin of sad memories and regret. (The lyrics are below.) He wrote it about feelings that he knows are not what God asks of us, but I think it really captures the struggle we sometimes face in letting go.

Your flesh will always horde those memories. In your mind, however, you already know God has a different plan for you. Second Timothy 1:7 reminds us that "God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline." Don't wait for God—or your ex-boyfriend—to explain why things didn't work out. Closure is not found in the impossible answer to that question. Closure is found in putting your trust in the God who created and loves you, resting in the knowledge that HE is the reason why, then accepting that as all you need to know. I will never truly know the reasons for 90 percent of the heartbreaks in my life, but I am 100 percent confident that God knows the reasons, and He is taking care of me more than I can ever understand.

Love,
Jessie

I Just Miss It All
by Paco Minassian January 2002

Looking back
At seasons come and gone
Scared of my own heart
At how I sometimes long
For what once was
For what I had and lost
At how regret can have
So great a cost

They say to look ahead
At what will be
And just forget
But somewhere deep within
There lives a part of me
That hasn’t moved on yet

And as the colors change
And midnight falls
My heart fails
And I just miss it all
And memories still dance
And voices call
And my soul aches
And I just miss it all

Looking on
The future clouds my mind
Darkened by the shadows
Of what’s left behind
And I feel passion
For things that have no place
Confusion drawing Sorrow’s lines
Upon my face

So many times I’ve smiled
But nothing ever
Stays the same
And I can always dream
Of what tomorrow brings
But yesterday remains

And as the colors change... (to chorus)

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	How do I get a guy back who used to be crazy about me but now has someone else in his life? We used to be best friends, until he told me he liked me and i didn't say anything back. At first I just wanted to be friends, but then I started developing feelings for him and the other day I let him know how I felt. He told me he used to like me a lot, but was hurt because he thought I didn't like him back and made himself kind of stop. Now he spends all of his time with a new girl, and I'm very jealous and just crazy about him. We hardly talk anymore.
	After I broke up with my boyfriend, he said some really awful things to me. It got to the point where I would be scared to pick up the phone, and I couldn't eat or sleep. Eventually I got over it, but he's still crazy about me and now he's really depressed. He is anorexic right now and wears nothing but black and sometimes paints his nails black when he feels super depressed. I know he's hurt because of me (he tells me all the time), and I feel so terrible. I just want to help, but I'm dating someone else now. I've been praying and praying about it, but what can I do?
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	I have a boyfriend who is two years older than me and a very new Christian. My mom has set strict guidelines for our relationship, but, unfortunately, we've already broken the rules. My boyfriend and I have talked and we are both committed to not having premarital sex, but we've gone as far as making out and I'm afraid this will lead to more, as well as the fact that my mom does't even want us kissing. I want to obey her. How do I tell my boyfriend this, and what if he doesn't get it? And how do I assure we are slowing down?
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